Lost Tears

 I won't tell you that I cry every day

But I do

I won't tell you that each day is a struggle

But it is

I won't tell you I can't sleep at night

But I can't

I am living my absolute best life

Right now

How can I feel so detached

So lonely

So empty

So lost

I won't tell you any of this

But it's how I feel

Choices

Broken brain with so little desire

Thoughts racing like a wildfire

Rumblings, rumblings, through my chest

Feel so worn out, really need some rest

I am scared and uncertain

Afraid to move ahead

Don't know what I'm saying

Don't know what I've said

I've got choices to make

And a big case of dread

Who Knew

I'm not a nice guy

I growl and I snarl

I'm not a nice guy

Though I think that I try

I'm not a nice guy

My heart it aches

My soul it bleeds

I'm reminded of my failures

I'm reminded that I am

Responsible for  

The failure of dreams

Still not certain why

I'm not a nice guy

I rain on parades

I'm not a nice guy

Though I'd like to change

Maybe a touch of normalcy

Before I finish

And get on that train

I'm not a nice guy

Running

Inadequate

Doesn't quite measure up

Bottom Shelf

Back room

Out of date

Useless

You could have

You should have

You might have

Beaten and worn and I feel like hell

I hope this look doesn't have a smell

Everything is backwards

Everything is wrong

Days are running into nights

Nights are running so very long

The negative comments

Are so frequent

The are so damaging

I cannot recover quick enough

Each time

Is like another

Another lash of a whip

I am bleeding

Profusely

Always, Again

I'm mean and sharp

Like broken glass

I'm full of hate 

And I've got no class

Rude and foul

Nasty and crass

I believe I'm a royal pain in the ass

Don't like the demon that lives in my soul

It takes an extreme exacting toll

Want to run and hide

Hang my head in shame

All the while I'm looking to blame

Someone, someone, anyone but me

I look in my soul and what do I see

An evil motherfucker looking back at me

Been haunting me for years

I can't run away

I can't run away

I can't run away

Caught

Waves of emotion

Come over me

Completely out of the blue

Heart starts racing and thumping

Nothing that I can do

Caught in a relentless storm

No shelter to be found

Lightening is striking

Dark heavy Sky's

Crashing down all around

Frozen by fear

Can't move or I'll fall

Wondering why

Why it happened at all

Troubled

Mean and nasty, so full of hate

I have to rush, I can't be late

I'm a rotten example 

A pain in the ass

I'm thoughtless and selfish

I have no class

I get as mad as a chainsaw

At the drop of a hat

Cannot control it

That's where I'm at

Mean and nasty, so full of hate

I wonder.........

What it is like to be kind and thoughtful

Pleasant to be around

I wonder........