Wednesday, January 31, 2018


Feeling inferior, feeling small
Feeling as if I don't matter at all
Feeling useless, feeling forlorn
Feeling old and feeling worn
Feeling I missed out when they gave us all the life plan 
Feeling like a little boy when I should feel like a man
Feeling confused and feeling kinda lost
Feeling stunted and thwarted and don't know the cost
Like treading water in syrup or swimming in sand
I'm loosing my grasp, won't you lend me your hand

Friday, January 12, 2018


I saw the most terrible side of me
I saw the side that I try to hide
Afraid of what I have become
Afraid of this terrible side
I'm not sure where it comes from
This terrible, terrible side 
I'm always trying to keep it at bay
Seems as if I don't get a say
This terrible, terrible side

Monday, September 11, 2017


I have some words I would like to say
I just simply don’t know how
I have some words I would like to say
I just might not speak them now
I have some words I would like to say
I just might if you would allow

I have some words I would like to say

Friday, August 19, 2016


I am on migraine number two in less than two weeks.
My Afib has been fluttering away all day, and has been active all week.
I had a bobble head moment while driving today, and I have not felt right since then.
I am confused, tired and worn out, yet I have done nothing.
I need a change, a positive change, in the worst way.

Friday, January 8, 2016


A few observations I have made of myself over the last few years.
First and foremost, no matter who I may have been when I was younger, I am not a very nice person now.  I used to be friendly, but not so much now a days. 
I am cynical, and I lean a bit to the negative side of things, not always, but more often than not. 
I am quick to anger, for no apparent reason at all.  This side of me really shines when I am driving!
I am selfish.  I think of me, always!  Problem with that is I always forget about the others in my life.
I am a racist!  I can hide from it, but it is true.  Some people have not been very good to me.
I am a bully sometimes, and it does not matter who you are.
I am judgmental, I get it from mom.
Since my episode of cardiac arrest 12-1/2 years ago, I have been searching.  For what you might ask?  I simply do not know, so I will continue my search! 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Walls of Fear

The problem with building walls throughout life is that they can be built so high that the one building them cannot see over, through, or around these walls. 

The builder of the wall becomes lost and self absorbed behind these walls, feeling safe from the world.  Very few possess the ability to penetrate these walls and if they do get inside, it is only for a brief moment. 

A gate or opening of some kind might have been built in, maybe it is just a crack, but the builder has not found the way out, bound by fear and confusion, exhausted by strife. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

I Am

I am deeply depressed
I am mournfully sad
I am surrounded by a cloud of grief
I am not quite sure where to find my relief
I am quite certain of this cold deep ache in my heart
I am quite certain of which whence it did start
I am so cold that it chills me deep in my bones
I am so sorrowful like the lonely wind how it moans
I am so frustrated I cannot make it go away

I am so mad, so mad, I did not get another day