Monday, September 11, 2017

Words

I have some words I would like to say
I just simply don’t know how
I have some words I would like to say
I just might not speak them now
I have some words I would like to say
I just might if you would allow

I have some words I would like to say

Friday, August 19, 2016

Blahs

I am on migraine number two in less than two weeks.
My Afib has been fluttering away all day, and has been active all week.
I had a bobble head moment while driving today, and I have not felt right since then.
I am confused, tired and worn out, yet I have done nothing.
I need a change, a positive change, in the worst way.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Observations

A few observations I have made of myself over the last few years.
First and foremost, no matter who I may have been when I was younger, I am not a very nice person now.  I used to be friendly, but not so much now a days. 
I am cynical, and I lean a bit to the negative side of things, not always, but more often than not. 
I am quick to anger, for no apparent reason at all.  This side of me really shines when I am driving!
I am selfish.  I think of me, always!  Problem with that is I always forget about the others in my life.
I am a racist!  I can hide from it, but it is true.  Some people have not been very good to me.
I am a bully sometimes, and it does not matter who you are.
I am judgmental, I get it from mom.
Since my episode of cardiac arrest 12-1/2 years ago, I have been searching.  For what you might ask?  I simply do not know, so I will continue my search! 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Walls of Fear

The problem with building walls throughout life is that they can be built so high that the one building them cannot see over, through, or around these walls. 

The builder of the wall becomes lost and self absorbed behind these walls, feeling safe from the world.  Very few possess the ability to penetrate these walls and if they do get inside, it is only for a brief moment. 

A gate or opening of some kind might have been built in, maybe it is just a crack, but the builder has not found the way out, bound by fear and confusion, exhausted by strife. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

I Am

I am deeply depressed
I am mournfully sad
I am surrounded by a cloud of grief
I am not quite sure where to find my relief
I am quite certain of this cold deep ache in my heart
I am quite certain of which whence it did start
I am so cold that it chills me deep in my bones
I am so sorrowful like the lonely wind how it moans
I am so frustrated I cannot make it go away

I am so mad, so mad, I did not get another day 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Hurt

My head hurts, from banging it against a wall
My shoulders hurt, from the load I carry
My elbows hurt, from reaching out
My knees hurt, from bending down
My neck hurts, from turning the other cheek
My brain hurts, from trying to make sense of it all
My fingers hurt, from working them to the bone
My feet hurt, from carrying the entire load

My chest hurts, from the burden I bear 

Friday, January 17, 2014

It's a Sad Life

I sit all day and I dream all night
And I have no idea how to make this right
My life, is out of hand, and I have lost all control
There is drudgery and apathy setting into my soul
No changes in sight, nope, none to be found
My life has taken on an empty sound
I had four years of joy, and I will never regret
The best four years of my life, these I will never forget
I am afraid it is all behind me, I have let myself become chained
I was warned by many others, no-one else can I blame
Entrapped, ensnared, and to blind to see
The guilt I had carried was overwhelming for me
Now, I see what I did was wrong

I atoned for this, my wait will not be long