Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Running

Inadequate
Doesn't quite measure up
Bottom Shelf
Back room
Out of date
Useless

You could have
You should have
You might have

Beaten and worn and I feel like hell
I hope this look doesn't have a smell
Everything is backwards
Everything is wrong
Days are running into nights
Nights are running so very long

The negative comments
Are so frequent
The are so damaging
I cannot recover quick enough
Each time
Is like another
Another lash of a whip
I am bleeding
Profusely


Monday, September 12, 2022

Always, Again

I'm mean and sharp
Like broken glass
I'm full of hate 
And I've got no class
Rude and foul
Nasty and crass
I believe I'm a royal pain in the ass
Don't like the demon that lives in my soul
It takes an extreme exacting toll
Want to run and hide
Hang my head in shame
All the while I'm looking to blame
Someone, someone, anyone but me
I look in my soul and what do I see
An evil motherfucker looking back at me
Been haunting me for years
I can't run away
I can't run away
I can't run away

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Caught

Waves of emotion
Come over me
Completely out of the blue
Heart starts racing and thumping
Nothing that I can do
Caught in a relentless storm
No shelter to be found
Lightening is striking
Dark heavy Sky's
Crashing down all around
Frozen by fear
Can't move or I'll fall
Wondering why
Why it happened at all

Friday, August 5, 2022

Troubled

Mean and nasty, so full of hate
I have to rush, I can't be late
I'm a rotten example 
A pain in the ass
I'm thoughtless and selfish
I have no class
I get as mad as a chainsaw
At the drop of a hat
Cannot control it
That's where I'm at
Mean and nasty, so full of hate
I wonder.........
What it is like to be kind and thoughtful
Pleasant to be around
I wonder........

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Out of Tune

I'm stuck in a song where I don't belong
Like an out of place note
Got a hole in my tote
Got a hair on my nose
Don't know how to pose
Stuck in a song where I don't belong
Out of tune or out of touch
Don't seem like it takes to much
To sing the wrong song
An hour or a day
Possibly two if you may
But I'm gonna sing out of tune
In a song where I don't belong

Friday, June 10, 2022

Past

Chasing memories
Chasing ghosts
Chasing dreams
Eating toast
Don't know what to look for
Maybe it's already been found
Looking for music
Seeing the sound
Trying to see what is in my soul
Is there any hope
Or just a deep dark hole
I feel not right
I feel not well
I hope 
I do not
End up
In hell

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

To Much

I talk to much
I talk but I don't have much to say
I talk to much
I thought I had something to say
Echos in an empty bucket
I talk to much
I think I have something to say
Echos from the past
I want to have something to talk about
Echos in the dark
But I have nothing to say
I talk to much 

Monday, March 21, 2022

Interflection

A fragile balance
A friendly truce
Trying to make things right
Before I am through
A balanced existence
A thoughtful mind
A helping hand
A place without anxiety
A day without dread
Finding peace
Finding some joy
Not hating myself
For being alive
I was not fair
To myself
Still broken
Not shattered
Anymore

Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Blink

Down the rabbit hole I did go
Who would think and how would we know
From whence a turn I did not expect
Left me a complete and total wreck
From bliss to black and back again
My legs they move and my head it spins
I don't know where I went 
I don't know what I said
I remember thinking
That I was dead
Fear had overcame me
My reality was skewed
Colors and sounds
Before me were strewn


Monday, January 31, 2022

Separated

I was alone in a vast expanse
I separated from reality
There were the two of you
Yet I was not there
Bits and pieces
Glimpses
Terror
Extreme disassociation
In my mind
I died
I existed on a plain other than the physical
For the briefest of moments
Before it collapsed around me 
Engulfed me in terror
Then I returned
Slowly
Ever so slow
Foggy
Most amazing thing
Ever

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Long Time

Been taught forever
But never learned
The hardest thing
I will ever do
Is to forgive
Myself
For ever doubting myself
For giving up on myself
For fucking up
For making poor decisions
For making mistakes
For things
Out of my control
Forgive others
But, Myself
Never understood
Never gave it a thought
Forgive myself
Forgive myself
Forgive everyone else
Forgive myself