Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Shadow

Who is this man
What does he want
Where did he come from
He is a lonely kid who was made to feel as if he were somehow different than all of the other kids
He has always been alone
Even in the company of family or friends
He is always alone
He only wants peace and happiness, yet they are elusive
He wants the guilt to be gone, but it won't leave
He came from a place and time that have long since gone
The joy
The dreams
The aspirations
Gone
Stumbles through each day
Fitfully sleeps each night
Day after day
Night after night
Struggle after struggle
Cannot seem to get it right
Loathing, seething and full of contempt
Selfish and stubborn and full of regret
Had he only known 
Blinded, he could not see
Deaf, he could not hear
Senseless, he could not feel
Condemned
Who is this man
Who has no plan
Maybe he is not a man
But rather, the shadow of a man that used to be

Keyhole

Every day is a struggle
Try and control my surroundings
To much input causes chaos
Overwhelmed
Forgetful
Lost
I am surprised when the day is done
I'm still here
How on earth did I make it
Who did I upset today
Who did I growl at today
Who's day have I ruined
Why can't I remember
I have done something terribly wrong
The damage is done
There is no fix
I am forced to live
In the shadows of memories





Friday, August 2, 2019

Thoughts

Eternally conflicted 
Momentarily blinded
Zero drive 
No enthusiasm
No sense of direction
Helpless and unsure
Anxiety awaits
Depression lurks
Self doubt abounds
An overwhelming sense 
Of emptiness and uselessness
Emotionally disturbed
Incapacitated 
Misunderstood
Cannot grasp
Cannot think
Afraid of being swallowed
By the darkness
Surviving on instinct 
Alone in a crowd
Alone, always
Alone
Always