Separated

I was alone in a vast expanse

I separated from reality

There were the two of you

Yet I was not there

Bits and pieces

Glimpses

Terror

Extreme disassociation

In my mind

I died

I existed on a plain other than the physical

For the briefest of moments

Before it collapsed around me 

Engulfed me in terror

Then I returned

Slowly

Ever so slow

Foggy

Most amazing thing

Ever

Long Time

Been taught forever

But never learned

The hardest thing

I will ever do

Is to forgive

Myself

For ever doubting myself

For giving up on myself

For fucking up

For making poor decisions

For making mistakes

For things

Out of my control

Forgive others

But, Myself

Never understood

Never gave it a thought

Forgive myself

Forgive myself

Forgive everyone else

Forgive myself

Silent Thoughts

This struggle 

 Is 

Real

It can be maddening

 Actions say one thing

 Words and thoughts say another

I am wrong

Am I wrong

What makes a person a good person

What makes a person a bad person

Staying silent

While speaking

Falling

Falling

Reaching out 

Emptiness

Contemptuous

Spiteful

Longing for 

Understanding and clarity

Finding 

Muddled confusion

Sprinkled with

Brief moments of relief

The Train

 There is a train

That you cannot see

It wails through the night

It has many cars

With unlimited seating

For no one does it wait

For this one you will never be late

We all have a ticket

We all have a date

Depression

My old friend

My old friend has come back again

My old friend

My dear old friend that I cannot stand

My old friend

My old friend has come to torture me again

My old friend

My old friend that tells me things

My old friend

My old friend that lies to me with every thought

My old friend

My old friend

I take up the battle

Once again

Bewildered

Waves of confusion keep rolling in my brain

Sheets of anxiety like a pouring rain

A shroud of doom hangs over my head

Don't know what I've done

Don't know what I've said

Keep trying and trying

Keep coming up short

Failure and misery

For me are sport

My demon speaks

It tells me lies

Makes me doubt my every word

Makes me give up

Before I even try

Cloudy

Wondering, wondering, wondering

Weary, weary, weary

What has happened to me

I seem to be on a journey 

Without a destination

Where is my spirit taking me

Seems like I have been on 

This road to nowhere 

For a long, long time

When does it change

When does it stop