Stop

I am my own anchor

I am my own ball and chain

Memories tied to my sordid past

Bring forth fountains of pain

I need no reminders of the failure I am

Lure

At the edge of the dark water

Will the lure 

Of the dark comfort

Draw me in

Giving way 

To what I am tired of fighting

So tired, so god awful tired

Quiet

That voice

That ugly nagging voice

You know

That voice

The one that constantly

Reminds me

Of what an utter

Failure 

I am

Reminds me of every failure

Constantly

Incapable of overcoming

This wall 

Of failures

Or the voice that reminds me

Pseudo

The tears they roll freely down my cheeks

The fears, unfounded, they make me seek

Sudden, onset sorrow, it barely lets me speak

Misplaced, for these feelings they make me want to hide

Invasive and pervasive, they simply have no place inside

Yet they swarm and gather and overwhelm my space

I am left feeling totally out of place

Gasping

Plagued by unending waves of emotion

Drowning in a sorrowful sea

I want to run but I flail

I want to talk but I wail

My mind is an empty wasteland

As vast as a star filled night

No compass

No guidance

No drive

No motivation

Nothing

Nothing but grief 

Nothing but feelings of emptiness

Nothing but feelings of inadequacy

Nothing but feelings

No action

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Faces

The face of the lonely man

In the mirror

He knows not why

He does not understand

How he ended up where he is

What happened

Where does he go now

Missing, missing

So much gone

So hard

So very, very hard

Broken

Broken

Broken

He is a burden

Lost in a vortex

Of emptiness

Tears

My heart is pounding 

My mind is racing

I'm walking back and forth

Just pacing

I want to cry

But I only sigh

Sometimes I even want to ...

But you know I cannot lie

Never again this thing will I try

But.....

Sometimes

 I want to cry

But I only sigh

Shadow

Who is this man

What does he want

Where did he come from

He is a lonely kid who was made to feel as if he were somehow different than all of the other kids

He has always been alone

Even in the company of family or friends

He is always alone

He only wants peace and happiness, yet they are elusive

He wants the guilt to be gone, but it won't leave

He came from a place and time that have long since gone

The joy

The dreams

The aspirations

Gone

Stumbles through each day

Fitfully sleeps each night

Day after day

Night after night

Struggle after struggle

Cannot seem to get it right

Loathing, seething and full of contempt

Selfish and stubborn and full of regret

Had he only known 

Blinded, he could not see

Deaf, he could not hear

Senseless, he could not feel

Condemned

Who is this man

Who has no plan

Maybe he is not a man

But rather, the shadow of a man that used to be

Keyhole

Every day is a struggle

Try and control my surroundings

To much input causes chaos

Overwhelmed

Forgetful

Lost

I am surprised when the day is done

I'm still here

How on earth did I make it

Who did I upset today

Who did I growl at today

Who's day have I ruined

Why can't I remember

I have done something terribly wrong

The damage is done

There is no fix

I am forced to live

In the shadows of memories

Thoughts

Eternally conflicted 

Momentarily blinded

Zero drive 

No enthusiasm

No sense of direction

Helpless and unsure

Anxiety awaits

Depression lurks

Self doubt abounds

An overwhelming sense 

Of emptiness and uselessness

Emotionally disturbed

Incapacitated 

Misunderstood

Cannot grasp

Cannot think

Afraid of being swallowed

By the darkness

Surviving on instinct 

Alone in a crowd

Alone, always

Alone

Always

Painful

Pain, pain, pain

So much pain

My arms hurt, I don't know why

My shoulders hurt, I cannot lie

My hips hurt, my oh my

My knees hurt, by and by

My head hurts, I only sigh

My mind is reeling, it makes me want to cry

My thoughts are jumbled

My brain is confused

Painful torment

Painful pain

No relief and no refrain

Pain, pain, pain