Out Loud

When you have no hope

No joy, no sorrow

When you are numb to the world

When nothing makes sense anymore

No passion for life

No desire to learn

Feeling like I should be sleeping on the ground

Feeling like I know what failure feels like

Knowing that I know what it is to be the loser

Understanding that I do not understand

What I thought I understood

There is no plan 

Only pain

There is no peace

Only loathing

This has been a long hard ride

And I am becoming tired

I am becoming tired

I have been tired

I am tired

Silent

Stunned into stillness

Frozen in time

Everything around me

Grows so quick

I am the same as I ever was

Stuck in the back

Stuck in a different place

Stuck in a different time

Watching

Watching

Watching

A bystander

Watching

As the world goes by

Re Run

My soul is torn
Punishment is my reward
No light in my tunnel
Pain is my companion

           Loneliness is my friend 

Sorrow is a constant
No goals
No direction
No ambition
Same song
New day 
Same dance
New tune

Forever cast in my role

Search as I will

There is nothing to find now

No interest

Nothing stirs my soul 

 

 

No Answers

Like a broken wheel

Like a broken branch

Got a broken mind

Like a box with a broken latch

Overwhelming currents of emotion

More thoughts than can be processed

Cannot grasp a singular thought

Vibrating, vibrating, vibrating

Cannot speak, can barely hear

Please don't be mad at me

Like a deceivingly innocent child

That simply does not understand

Repeat

In that place again

That awful familiar place

Don't ever go there on purpose

Don't know why it exists

Surely just for torment

Inescapably uncomfortable

Mirror

 I look in the mirror

And what do I see

I see a piece of me

That you cannot see

Dark and ugly

Mean and rank

Lonely and scared

No one to thank

But the guy 

I see in the mirror

That you cannot see

Borrowed Time

It is a daily struggle to get out of bed

It is a daily struggle to avoid the dread

Sometimes I have a plan 

Other times I don't

I pretend to believe

You wouldn't even know

I feel frustrated with

My inability to accomplish

Anything

I get so, so mad

So easy

Frustrated with my frustration

I sometimes feel like

I am living on time that is not mine

Like I cheated life somehow

Like I shouldn't be here

Like I am not deserved

But I am, here, still

It is a daily struggle to get out of bed

It is a daily struggle to avoid the dread

Old and Tired

Feel like my feet are stuck in the mud

Cloudy thoughts

Blurred vision

Floating aimlessly

Still struggle with the day to day

Forget, a lot

No motivation

No drive

No passion

Momentary bursts of energy

Long periods of tiredness and malaise

They are becoming more frequent

Not depressed

Simply lethargic

Feel worthless and lazy

Dark Voice

Always a calling

Always a voice

Always an answer

Always a choice

Sometimes bitter

Sometimes sweet

Sometimes far away

Sometimes at my feet

Never far away

Yet never close behind

A spot of darkness

Stains my mind