Running

Inadequate

Doesn't quite measure up

Bottom Shelf

Back room

Out of date

Useless

You could have

You should have

You might have

Beaten and worn and I feel like hell

I hope this look doesn't have a smell

Everything is backwards

Everything is wrong

Days are running into nights

Nights are running so very long

The negative comments

Are so frequent

The are so damaging

I cannot recover quick enough

Each time

Is like another

Another lash of a whip

I am bleeding

Profusely

Always, Again

I'm mean and sharp

Like broken glass

I'm full of hate 

And I've got no class

Rude and foul

Nasty and crass

I believe I'm a royal pain in the ass

Don't like the demon that lives in my soul

It takes an extreme exacting toll

Want to run and hide

Hang my head in shame

All the while I'm looking to blame

Someone, someone, anyone but me

I look in my soul and what do I see

An evil motherfucker looking back at me

Been haunting me for years

I can't run away

I can't run away

I can't run away

Caught

Waves of emotion

Come over me

Completely out of the blue

Heart starts racing and thumping

Nothing that I can do

Caught in a relentless storm

No shelter to be found

Lightening is striking

Dark heavy Sky's

Crashing down all around

Frozen by fear

Can't move or I'll fall

Wondering why

Why it happened at all

Troubled

Mean and nasty, so full of hate

I have to rush, I can't be late

I'm a rotten example 

A pain in the ass

I'm thoughtless and selfish

I have no class

I get as mad as a chainsaw

At the drop of a hat

Cannot control it

That's where I'm at

Mean and nasty, so full of hate

I wonder.........

What it is like to be kind and thoughtful

Pleasant to be around

I wonder........

Out of Tune

I'm stuck in a song where I don't belong

Like an out of place note

Got a hole in my tote

Got a hair on my nose

Don't know how to pose

Stuck in a song where I don't belong

Out of tune or out of touch

Don't seem like it takes to much

To sing the wrong song

An hour or a day

Possibly two if you may

But I'm gonna sing out of tune

In a song where I don't belong

Past

Chasing memories

Chasing ghosts

Chasing dreams

Eating toast

Don't know what to look for

Maybe it's already been found

Looking for music

Seeing the sound

Trying to see what is in my soul

Is there any hope

Or just a deep dark hole

I feel not right

I feel not well

I hope 

I do not

End up

In hell

To Much

I talk to much

I talk but I don't have much to say

I talk to much

I thought I had something to say

Echos in an empty bucket

I talk to much

I think I have something to say

Echos from the past

I want to have something to talk about

Echos in the dark

But I have nothing to say

I talk to much 

Interflection

A fragile balance

A friendly truce

Trying to make things right

Before I am through

A balanced existence

A thoughtful mind

A helping hand

A place without anxiety

A day without dread

Finding peace

Finding some joy

Not hating myself

For being alive

I was not fair

To myself

Still broken

Not shattered

Anymore

Blink

Down the rabbit hole I did go

Who would think and how would we know

From whence a turn I did not expect

Left me a complete and total wreck

From bliss to black and back again

My legs they move and my head it spins

I don't know where I went 

I don't know what I said

I remember thinking

That I was dead

Fear had overcame me

My reality was skewed

Colors and sounds

Before me were strewn

Separated

I was alone in a vast expanse

I separated from reality

There were the two of you

Yet I was not there

Bits and pieces

Glimpses

Terror

Extreme disassociation

In my mind

I died

I existed on a plain other than the physical

For the briefest of moments

Before it collapsed around me 

Engulfed me in terror

Then I returned

Slowly

Ever so slow

Foggy

Most amazing thing

Ever

Long Time

Been taught forever

But never learned

The hardest thing

I will ever do

Is to forgive

Myself

For ever doubting myself

For giving up on myself

For fucking up

For making poor decisions

For making mistakes

For things

Out of my control

Forgive others

But, Myself

Never understood

Never gave it a thought

Forgive myself

Forgive myself

Forgive everyone else

Forgive myself