Chaos

I was once grounded in a world of reality and simple dreams

I felt a sense of guilt and responsibility,  albeit unfounded

I have now opened the door to a life of chaos

A life of delusional thoughts

A life of grandiose unattainable dreams

A life filled with a growing resentment

A life that is now becoming shorter and shorter

Everything I do, everything I say, everything I think is wrong

I was wrong for so many years and nothing it seems has changed

I toiled for years and gave up some of my passions

Now I must give them up again

I have already started

I don't have time to wait

I don't have time to play catch up

I cannot keep starting over

I cannot always be wrong

I am a slave to my emotions

Now I am giving up

My friends

My passions

My hopes

My dreams

My life

An End

I think you are trying to kill me, I think you want me to die

These feelings are deep in my heart, I just cannot lie

Why oh why did you ever come back

Is it so you can witness my heart attack

The stress you bring makes me feel real old

Emotionless, weary and a heart that is cold

I don't know what you want, you are chasing a dream

In reality you only make my mind scream

I wish I could help you, I really do

But you won't help yourself, so what can I do

You make me mad, you are crushing my dreams

My brain is full and busting at the seams

It won't take long, less than a year

I hope you have a lovely life my dear 

Hmmmm

Felt this feeling in my chest tonight

Something I've never felt before

Felt light and dizzy for the shortest time

I was not completely sure

The sensation lingered for a bit, It was not pleasant at all

I don't want to feel that sensation again, I'm not ready to hear the call

Last Time

A heavy heart and an aching soul

This stress is starting to take its toll

Needed by no-one shunned by all the rest

I surely must be failing this test

Life did not change, still mean as bolt of lightening

Violent mood swings, must be oh so frightening

Mean and nasty and as sharp as barbed wire

Eyes that will set the soul on fire

It happened again, I opened the door

I now sit and stare at an empty floor

I don't want much

I don't like being used

I don't appreciate being abused

We never talk about the things that matter

If we try it ends up in confusion and clatter

Why did you come back, did you want to test my will

Or was it my spirit that you just had to kill

Either way you have done the trick

I am mean and nasty and mortally sick

I will never get better and soon will be done

You will be free of me, free to run

Confusion

My mind is swirling and I am losing the race

I cannot seem to find my way out of this place

I am selfish and bitter, cold and hard

Mean and hateful, worn out and tired

 Mad at the world, alone in my head

My ugly thoughts they fill me with dread

One day at a time is just how I live

I don't take to much and have little to give

I have very few friends, I have chased them all away

My wife left me for another man one day

So why am I conflicted why is there so much pain

Like a sheet of fine paper left out in the rain

Because she came back just to ring my bell

Now life again is not looking so swell

Used

Feeling lonely and tired, been hung out to dry

This empty feeling leaves me wondering, why

What is to come, what shall be

Emptiness, alone for me to see

Playing second fiddle when I should play none

I am thinking that this time I am done

It serves me no good and it will break my heart

But I gotta let you go, you deserve a fresh start  

Reaper

When I was a young man, I never thought of you
You visited me when I least expected, and have haunted me ever since
We never talk about you, and if we do, it is only in hushed tones
You take from us our joy, our spirit, and leave only sorrow
Always near, lurking in the shadows, ready and willing to exact your toll
We run from you but we cannot hide
As an older man I try to accept you
You are never far from my thoughts