Blindness

I couldn't have said it better myself, these thoughts I have.

A snippet of lyrics from "Three Doors Down", When I'm Gone.

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There're secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Or maybe I'm just blind...

Pain

I shed a tear for my memories tonight

As years went by I lost my sight

Lost my way and caused great pain

Now each day I try to explain

I try to understand

I try to forgive

I try to trust

I shed a tear

Thoughts

Words of wisdom escape my mind
Painful memories are so unkind
Hardened by strife, Tempered like steel
At times my thoughts are so surreal
Vivid dreams and blurry days
So many hours pass by in a haze
Questions without answers, Bound by faith
A ghost of a human, A living wraith
Blessed by grace, Yet cursed by sin
A boundless spirit, Trapped in a pen

Clouds

Darkness decends and the shadows grow long
Feeling the pain in a love torn song
Thinking my life has been a waste
All my decisions have been made in haste
Two paths to travel and one of them is wrong
Without a guide I stumble headlong
The mind is seldom willing and my thoughts are uncontrolled
Words cannot seem to console
I'm being chased by demons and I cannot run
I stand like a stone
Confused
Alone
Weary
Very little joy in this life do I find
I am certain I have been left behind
Why I was brought forth I will never know
Now I patiently wait til it is time to go

Not A Thriller

It really struck a chord with me when I heard Michael Jackson had passed away. It's not just that an Icon has died, but for me it was how he died. Sudden Cardiac Arrest. From everything I have read, less than 5% of everyone struck by SCA actually survives.
This is extremely moving for me, as I survived an episode of SCA a little over 6 years ago. I can tell you that from my experience, that there is no pain involved SCA. In my case I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, I told the cop I thought I was gonna pass out, and I woke up in the hospital. No pain, no memories, nothing.
Was the medical help in Hesston Kansas really that much better than that in L.A.? I don't think so. Maybe they found him too late to help him, it would have only taken 3-5 minutes to put him beyond help.
In my case there were Law Enforcement personnel on the scene and an off duty fireman that happened upon the scene. The fireman performed CPR until the ambulance arrived and I was defibrillated.
As I reflect, I still don't understand why a simple man like me was left here on earth, and an Icon like Michael is now gone. I suppose God still has something in mind for me, and was not ready to take me home. As for Michael, God had a reason for taking him that none of us will ever know. Though none of us really knows what takes place upon death, I do know that Michael is now free from all of the pain, hate, stress, anxiety, misunderstandings, and lonliness that certainly must have plauged him throughout his adult days.

Cedar Point

-The other day I went riding with my brother and a friend. We were bound for a little town named Cedar Point. My brother and I had both come across separate articles referring to an old abandoned Mill sitting right on the Cottonwood River. The road to the town was covered in water, only a couple of inches but still........We rode on to the town and of all places to park, we parked in front of the bank. We each got a soda from the working soda machine, and wandered over to the bridge to take in the sights and drink our sodas. When we were done, we started gathering our stuff up and were about to hit the road when a Kansas State Trooper pulled into town. We had only been there 15-20 minutes and the law arrived.

Now in their defense, there were three of us, we were all on Harleys and dressed in leather, and we did park in front of the bank. Add to that the fact that the town had recently been isolated by high flood waters, it was a Saturday, and it was sundown, and I suppose in someones mind it was wise to be safe and cautious.

The trooper never did bother us, though I did stop him and ask a couple of questions about the local roads. He did say that he didn't get back there much, so it makes me wonder why he was there. He went his way and we went ours, however we did meet a second Trooper racing towards our previous location. He didn't bother us either, but he was in some kind of hurry.

Slight Breeze

Yeterday was the first "nice" day in quite some time, with temps reaching the mid 70's. It was a little breezy though, with sustained winds of 40 mph and gusts up to 52 mph.
I must have taken a stupid pill instead of my heart pill, cause I decided it was nice enough to get my motorcycle out, and I did have a major itch to ride. A friend came over and we then headed out. Riding to the north was great, but then we turned to the west, and we rode at an angle the whole while. It was all I could do to hold my lane, luckily this road jogs from north to west for many miles. The entire ride was only about 66 miles, but about 20 of it was against the wind, and another 16 was spent being blown around the lane from the cross wind. Whew! When I got home I felt like I had just finished a 300 mile ride.
Next time I'm gonna check my meds!
So yesterday was 75 and windy, today it is 35 and there is snow on the ground, go figure.
Another typical weekend in Kansas.

A Moment

Ever have one of those "Stupid Moments"?
I went to an unfamiliar ATM yesterday and fed my card to the machine. It ate it right up and let me enter all of the info it asked for. The screen suddenly flashed a message stating my card wasn't any good at their facility. I was at a loss, why wasn't my card any good?
The machine then spit my card back out, and it was then I realized I had fed the stupid thing my Drivers Lincense. Duh!